Something the Mindy Project said. Something about being so used to someone criticizing you, that when they are gone, you fill that hole. You already push, but now you judge, too.
It's like a drug. Self punishment. Skipping happily into risky situations. Leaving the result up to someone else, to the moment.
Getting close enough to smell it.
Walking the edge of the fence.
Toying with the sharp side.
Maybe this will be an incredible thing. Maybe I will grow within an atmosphere of watchful awareness and self analysis.
Maybe I've found another of him. Playing games with me until he finds he one that gets under my skin, because once you're under there, you have control of all my strings.
I'll walk along that edge and see.
I'll ride this out and see how it goes.
Who will I allow to push me?