Bracing in the Mornings

Some people wake up in the mornings and invest in themselves.  They drink a cup of coffee, take a shower, eat food.

Some roll out of bed, grab an energy drink and shoes, and run out the door.

Some laze about for a while.


It takes me about 30-45 minutes, on an easy day, to get up.

I sit up fast - I've undoubtedly slept through every alarm again.  I stare around the room I hate, blinking hard and reaching for the red bulls by the bed.  I might eat a couple bites of whatever food I had the foresight to put nearby.

I think to myself - okay, let's get up and do today.

And then I realize that I have to do today.

And my entire body tenses.  I am filled with an overwhelming, drowning feeling of terror.  I'm not ready.  I am not ready to wash tools.  I am not ready to interact with people who want to know about my life or their bodies.  I am not ready to use my words.  I am not ready.

Calm down.  Sip your drink.  Take your time.  Do your makeup.  Put on clothes.  It's okay.  You have twenty minutes to get it together and act like a normal person.

Breathe.

Act like a normal person.