25 February 2015

The Science of Puking (AKA 9 Weeks Prego)

Puking Tips for Those With Morning Sickness or Stomach Flu
(But not for bulemics because y'all got your own set of rules and also because I'm not pro-ED whatsoever)

General Advice:

  • If you can keep it down, do. If you've been trying to keep it down with all your might for 30 minutes or more, not so much.
  • If you are definitely going to hurl, drink cold water. Nothing is nastier than puking up chunky solids.
  • If possible, choose toilets with low water levels to reduce splash back. Or a bucket, if you're the sort who can clean it without tossing your cookies again.
  • Keep trying to eat or drink. Bile is also not pleasant to vomit.
  • Don't brush your teeth every single time you hurl. Find something pleasant and not fragrant to rinse with, like a cup of cool water. You need your enamel.
  • Puke with the least force possible. Allow yourself one "fake out" when you think you're done, but then deep breaths and willpower to stop gagging. Forceful gags with head low can bust some blood vessels around your eyes and give you some temporary new freckle-like spots.
  • Take something. If pregnant, discuss safe medications or safe alternative strategies with a medical professional to control day to day nausea. If ill, call your doctor and ask for suggestions.

Foods That Suck to Puke
  • Citrus/acidic things
  • Goldfish
  • Really any starchy, lumpy food
  • Oatmeal
  • Shredded lettuce
  • Soda/frothy things
  • Prenatals
  • Spaghetti
  • Pizza

Foods That Don't Suck to Puke:
  • Chocolate
  • Milkshakes
  • Ice cold water
  • Reese's
  • Anything predominately liquid

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