Not Christmas. Not Easter. Not my birthday.
Except for a little anxiety about when to put together a costume, I love every single thing about it. I love pumpkins, pumpkin carving, pumpkin patches, pumpkin painting, pumpkin gutting. I love trick or treating. I love dressing up and dressing others up. I love candy. I love horror flicks. I love horror games. I love answering the door and seeing all the little outfits. I love the decorations, the skulls, the lights, the candles, the spiderwebs. I love the black nail polish and lipstick. I love the feel of brisk, perfect fall weather.
I. Love. Halloween.
And usually I have this awful habit of ruining the things I love because I don't think I deserve them, or I don't want to make a fuss. Usually there's this little voice in my head that says, "you know you've never been purposely invited to Halloween party, and you know you're going to stay home and pretend it's a normal day." And on any other major day, I'd give in and listen. But on Halloween - fuck your parties, I am going to have a rockin' good time regardless!
And I really tried this year.
Right until I went to bed at 3 AM next to my baby who refused to go back to sleep, I put forward full effort.
Moving ran late and the truck + energy and food supplies sapped all of my strength, consciousness, and money. We had planned on finishing with the truck by 3, but by that time, we had just finished loading what would end up being our only trip due to outrageous mileage costs and constrained space. Someone packed my vape charger and the thing died. We hurried to unload, clean, and install. At 6:30 pm we finished moving over a friend's mattress with the uhaul truck. We returned the truck at 7:30 after gassing it up and cleaning it out. We ran to the old house to let the dogs outside, collect necessary supplies that hadn't come over in boxes (food, pan, toiletries, Halloween candy, sweaters, etc.), and raced as fast as we could back to the new house so we could take little dude trick-or-treating in his adorable Curious George costume he picked out himself. Even though we forgot to get Dad a yellow hat.
Little dude fell asleep and was absolutely un-wake-able.
So we spent half an hour building his crib so we could lay him down. During that time, every trick or treater we would see for the evening (except one infant unicorn who appeared much later), came and was treated by the fellow who had helped us move. Since I was watching the kiddo. One of them smushed my pie pumpkin on accident.
The fellow helping us move invited over a person (without asking at all) who I am not particularly fond of to hang out until late in the evening, talk over my game, and eat my food and candy.
We packed a wine bottle, but forgot cups.
They took a turn on the PS4 and played PT. Which has one of my really, really serious triggers in it (fetus). Thankfully my husband made them switch games.
After I accidentally fell asleep on my husband on the couch, my friend finally came over, bringing a movie which...also had that trigger in it.
But she knew and we talked over that part.
Really, things improved after she came over. I can't complain about that part at all. We had a lot of fun.
But we had a lot of fun despite me missing:
Dressing my son up
Passing out candy to trick-or-treaters
Hanging up about half of our usual decorations (I did get to put some out, though!)
At least next year we'll be in this neighborhood, where people DO trick-or-treat, and we'll already be moved in. Next year is going to rule.
I'm not letting this streak of awful continue. Tomorrow will be fun if it kills me.